HOW TO CHALLENGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
PRINCIPLE 1: If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
"A barber lathers a man before he shaves them."
"A dentist begins his work with Novocain, the patient still gets a drilling but the Novocain is pain-killing."
PRINCIPLE 2: How to criticize- and not be hated for it.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- Praise (then change "but" to "and") comment on further improvement or correction.
- Lead by example.
PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes first.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
PRINCIPLE 4: No one likes to take orders.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
"You might consider; what do you think of this; What if."
- Give people the opportunity to do things themselves.
- Let them do it; Let them learn from their mistakes; Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.
- Giving orders produces resentment.
PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face.
PRINCIPLE 6: How to spur people onto success.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow man the warm sunshine of praise." -- Jess Lair
- Like training dogs.
- Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
PRINCIPLE 7: Give a dog a good name.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
PRINCIPLE 8: Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Use encouragement.
- Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it- and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
PRINCIPLE 9: Making people glad to do what you want.
- Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.
- Be sincere; do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
Remember these are just my notes on the book. As with many great thought provoking self-improvement books, The message is different each time you listen to or read it... Well, the words don't change. Rather something inside you and your awareness changes, openness changes, readiness for the next message within the message or the need to see or hear a message that pertains to what is going on or coming up in your life occurs.
Hey, you wanna retain a message to guide you or keep a crucial idea in your head?
Review frequently, notice how you pick up different aspects of the story and review again.