HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART IV

BE A LEADER:

HOW TO CHALLENGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT

PRINCIPLE 1: If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

"A barber lathers a man before he shaves them."

"A dentist begins his work with Novocain,  the patient still gets a drilling but the Novocain is pain-killing."


PRINCIPLE 2: How to criticize- and not be hated for it.

• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

• Praise (then change "but" to "and") comment on further improvement or correction.

• Lead by example.

PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes first.

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4: No one likes to take orders.

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

"You might consider; what do you think of this; What if."

• Give people the opportunity to do things themselves.

• Let them do it; Let them learn from their mistakes; Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

• Giving orders produces resentment.

PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face.



PRINCIPLE 6: How to spur people onto success.

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow man the warm sunshine of praise." -- Jess Lair

• Like training dogs.

• Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

PRINCIPLE 7: Give a dog a good name.

• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8: Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• Use encouragement.

• Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it- and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

PRINCIPLE 9: Making people glad to do what you want.

• Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.

1. Be sincere; do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

 Monty's Notes (on his notes)
Remember these are just my notes on the book. As with many great thought provoking self-improvement books, The message is different each time you listen to or read it... Well, the words don't change. Rather something inside you and your awareness changes, openness changes, readiness for the next message within the message or the need to see or hear a message that pertains to what is going on or coming up in your life occurs.
Hey, you wanna retain a message to guide you or keep a crucial idea in your head?
Review frequently, notice how you pick up different aspects of the story and review again.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART III

 Just imagine how much more productive your life could be if  not only me and you read and followed these principles, but everyone. Oh wait, I'm not sure if our current society is ready. That would require losing the all powerful yet suffocating human virus. It's called EGO.
Ego causes us to go into isolation.
Really.
Think of the know-it-all, or "too proud to ask" person, or simply the "ego-maniac" they always paint themselves in a corner. They get themselves into a lose-lose situation. And worst of all, by the time they figure out this whole EGO thing they have already isolated themselves from things or people that mean a lot to them.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

*You can't win an argument.

*A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

*If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; But it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.

*Welcome the disagreement.

"When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary."

*Distrust your first instinctive impression when entering a disagreeable situation.

*Control your temper.

*Listen first.

*Build bridges of understanding.

*Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

*Look for areas of agreement.

*Be honest.

*Apologize for your mistakes.

*Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.

*Thank your opponent sincerely for their interest.

*Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.




PRINCIPLE 2: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

*A sure fire way of making enemies—and how to avoid it.

"Men must be taught as if you taught them not and things unknown proposed as things forgot." –Alexander Pope

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself." -- Galileo

"Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so."

-- Lord Chesterfield

"One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing." – Socrates




PRINCIPLE 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

*If you're wrong admit it.




PRINCIPLE 4: Begin in a friendly way.

*A drop of honey.

"A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." – Lincoln

"The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world." – Aesop



PRINCIPLE 5: Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.

*The secret of Socrates

"He who treads softly goes far." – Chinese Proverb




PRINCIPLE 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

*The safety valve in handling complaints.




PRINCIPLE 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

*How to get cooperation.

"The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; Wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight, though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury." – Lao-Tse




PRINCIPLE 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

*A formula that will wonders for you.




PRINCIPLE 9: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

*What everybody wants.




PRINCIPLE 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

*An appeal that everybody likes.




PRINCIPLE 11: Dramatize your ideas.

*The movies do it; TV does it, why don't you do it.




PRINCIPLE 12: Throw down a challenge.

*When nothing else works, try this.

*Give people the chance for self-expression- to excel- to win. The desire for a feeling of importance brings out the best in people.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART II

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PRINCIPLE 1:        Become genuinely interested in other people.

                *Do this and you'll be welcome anywhere


 
PRINCIPLE 2:        Smile.

                *A simple way to make a good first impression.

*People, who smile, tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment." –Prof. James V. McConnell Univ. of Mich.

 

PRINCIPLE 3:    Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.   

        *If you don't do this you are headed for trouble.

 

PRINCIPLE 4:    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

        *An easy way to become a good conversationalist.

 

PRINCIPLE 5:    Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

        *How to interest people.

 

PRINCIPLE 6:    Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

        *How to make people like you instantly.

        *The Golden Rule.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART I

This fun series is my follow up to the BANABU Blogs: I-III , IV-VI , VII-XI

Long before I ordered BANABU, I took my own notes on Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Here are my notes:

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 1:    Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

            "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days"

—Dr. Johnson

PRINCIPLE 2:    Give honest and sincere appreciation.

            "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

–Emerson

PRINCIPLE 3:    Arouse in the other person an eager want.

"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." –Henry Ford

"First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way." –Prof. Overstreet

                                    "Hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise." –Charles Schwab

Androgynous America

Americans, I fear, are turning into an androgynous society. The signs are everywhere:

• Women who wear the pants in the family
  
• Sexless relationships (the mojo is gone)
  
• Infertile women
  
• Men with boobs
  
• Men with hips
  
• Women with facial hair
  
• Failed relationships due to gender roles not being played out.
  
• Estrogen replacement commercials
  
• Low testosterone commercials
  

And then there's that self talk or bet between friends, "Is that a man or woman over there?"

We don't have two genders of humans roaming the globe anymore. We have several.

We have:

• The estrogenized male, chubby with girl hips and bitch tits
  
• The de-testosteroned male (think Gelding in the horse world)
  
• The she-male or gender bender equivalent
  
• The gay bitch (actual term in the world of homosexuality), girl in a male-male relationship
  
• The builder, manly man in a gay relationship
  
• The metrosexual
  
• The knight in shining armor- the traditional man's man and woman's affection
  
• The tomboy
  
• The dominant lesbian or bull dyke
  
• Mustache Mary- Low estrogen, zero sex drive, PCOS
  
• The dragonlady- aggressive boss/ manager or business owner and runs the house at home.
  
• The submissive female of any relationship
  
• The prom queen, suzy homemaker
  

Is there a right or wrong to all this? No, not at all. But I'll tell you this- if you want to adapt you better understand who you are dealing with. Just like the breakdown of personalities into dogs if you have read Sales Dogs or the gems like Dani Johnson uses, understanding is the beginning root of knowledge. Which direction should I go with this?

Do I delve into how we need to understand the many facets of being humans and how to interact with success?

Or

Do I address the environmental impact on our bodies where hormones are being altered and thus altering the dichotomy of the human species into a conglomerate of beings?

BANABU: Principles VII-XI

In this final installment of the BANABU Principles, let me remind you that Mike Kemski developed this as his abbreviated notes from reading thousands of dollars worth of self-improvement books.
Because life and experiences are all like great poems (open to multiple forms of interpretation), may I encourage you to write your own one page note on a book you read because it may help you better yourself in some form. Here are his final one-liners for the last 5 principles.

 

Principle 7- Only Decisions Change Lives

*You Can Learn All The Newest, Coolest, Latest And Greatest Techniques But Until You Learn And Realize This One Thing, It Is All Just Useless Junk.

 

 

Principle 8- Progress Not Perfection

        *Trying To Achieve Perfection Completely Stops Your Progress.


 

 

Principle 9- Allowing Your Success

        *If You Order A Pizza, Wait For The Pizza Guy To Show Up. Don't Go Looking For Him.


 

 

Principle 10- Use It or Lose It, Continue To Learn & Grow

*Cars Need Gas To Go And We Need "Fuel" To Keep Going Too.

The Journey Is The Reward, Not The Destination.

 

 

Principle 11- Pass the Torch

*Not Only Does It Feel Great To Help Someone Else, Your Reward Is Massively Disproportionate To Your Gift. You Get A Lot More Than You Give When You Learn How To Do It Correctly.

Of the 11 principles listed in BANABU, my personal principal I strive to remember and work on is Principle 8. "Progress, not Perfection!" - Monty Moran

BANABU: Principles IV-VI

In this second installment of my BANABU notes, I feel obligated to expand on the 4th and 6th Principles. The 5th Principle has its own blog page.
 

Principle 4- The Law of Attraction

        *Powerful Universal Law Explains the Reason Things Come and Go To and From Your Life. 

Principle 5- T.E.A.R. The Process Of Manifestation

 *"Building Blocks" of the Universe. Formula To "Build" Anything You Want In Life From Financial Freedom To Better Health. Thought. Emotion. Action. = Results.

See the Action blog post on this powerful process.
 

Principle 6- Awareness=Possibility

        *When You Expand Your Awareness You Expand Your Possibility.


  Here's a great illustration:


You decide that you want to go on a cruise this next year. Not just any cruise, but a 9 day tour of the Mediterranean Sea. By applying the 5th Principle things begin to happen. Here's the trick though. Doors of opportunity are opening and presenting themselves. 
ARE YOU NOTICING?
Look for the signs. They could show up as the following (and many more versions as well):

• Advertisements for that special kind of cruise

• Someone talks about the cruise they just went on and how they landed a deal

• E-mail spam box suggesting travel related offers

• A documentary show on tv about cruise lines

Nourishing Traditions (The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats) by Sally Fallon with Mary G. Enig, Ph.D.

Weston A. Price, a dentist and later a researcher, found 14 societies of people (i.e. Irish, Swiss, Eskimo, and African) back in the 1930's who enjoyed lives of superb health. Compared to industrialized societies these groups were free of chronic disease, dental decay and mental illness, and ease of reproduction repeatedly with healthy children. With the industrial revolution came: refined grains, canned foods, pasteurized milk and the #1 cancer causing agent- sugar; Along with this modified food source also produced people plagued with tooth decay, infectious diseases, degenerative illnesses, infertility… the children in industrialized societies had crowded teeth, crooked teeth, narrow faces, deformities of bone structure and labeled with an array of new medical problems.

The answer isn't to just simply clean up your diet. It goes deeper. The real answer is to prepare your foods so the nutritional properties are released as well as absorbed… two totally separate functions by the way.

Whereas in mainstream knowledge, soy products are touted as healthy and is heavily marketed and commercialized; those of us in the underground knowledge understand that soy is not good for us… unless it's fermented. Secondly, most illness are linked back to gut health. In the Probiotics blog, I talked about intestinal bacteria flora and the restoration or maintenance of the good bacteria for multiple health reasons. Other complications come from undigested or partially digested foods. Supplementing with enzymes helps with side of assimilation spectrum, but the focus of this book explore the preparations of foods with intent of allowing the nutrients to be recognized and absorbed in the gut. One of the tricks to having our foods open up and release the nutrients that were locked within.

If you still microwave your foods or eat foods that are denatured or basically dead from commercialized packaging processes, this book may open your eyes to an entirely new world of food.


 
Weston A Price Foundation 

Why Sleep is a BIG Deal

How much and well do you sleep? If you seem to think you can function on 4-6 hours and not have insomnia and think it's a non-issue... Think again.


 
Remember the line, "killing me softly"?? Yeah you could be doing it to yourself.


 
Here are some disturbing facts that you should be aware of: 

Sleep deprivation is the quicker route to death than starvation.

There is a direct correlation between the diminished hours of sleep and body mass index - You know the how fat are you index.

Sleep debt builds up on you, contributing to carbohydrate intolerance and fat gain over time.

Before the invention of the incandescent light bulb, we averaged about 12 hours of nightly sleep. 

Lack of mental clarity, weakened immune system and less than desirable physical performance are also characteristics of the sleep deprived.

Glucose tolerance and endocrine function are negatively affected by insufficient sleep quality and being awake at the wrong hours of the night.

Coffee and related stimulants contribute to later bedtimes and can corrupt cortisol, adrenaline, and inflammatory markers. Extended sleep deprivation decreases leptin secretion at night, not cool seems how leptin is a good guy in the fat loss battle. And nobody wants a cortisol belly.

A study in adolescents not only showed an 80% rise in the odds of obesity for each hour of sleep lost each night, but also a 3% drop in daytime physical activity for each hour of sleep disturbance.

Sleep disturbances in part related to higher nighttime epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine concentrations, have been found in individuals who exercise hard (as in weights and cardio). Similarly, a doubling of training load has been reported to induce insomnia and depression as part of the overtraining syndrome. So those of you who are ramping up training efforts may want to get more total hours on the pillow to compensate.


 
These following tips may be especially helpful to men, women and even children who appear to get less sleep.


 
1. Get in a 9-12 hour night at least once or twice weekly.

2. Nap to compensate for lost sleep. Whether it be a full sleep cycle of 90 minutes or a 20 minute power nap.

3. Meditate for 20 minutes during the day; winding down with breathing techniques and progressive relaxation before bedtime is especially helpful.

4. Avoid falling asleep with the tv on… you know what just avoid tv altogether, the mindless programming is really unnecessary in your development as a greater person.

5. Avoid stimulants 5 hours before bedtime, in other words an evening coffee or tea doesn't contribute to a good night's sleep. Neither does a depressant such as alcohol, sure that glass of wine may help you to fall asleep initially; but the rebound effect after metabolizing depressants can result in a second wind at 3:00AM.

6. Get into a bedtime routine. Do those mundane tasks that put you into an active meditative state, fold the laundry, wash the dishes, read a book that won't allow you to go beyond half an hour, take a warm bath... you get the idea. You might be surprised how a small series of behaviors, done every night, creates a habit that prepares the mind for shutdown mode.

7. Have a small late night snack like I use to and have butter, natural peanut butter and jam or honey on multi-grain bread with a glass of whole chocolate milk. I am kidding. Don't be tempted by late evening carbohydrate/ gluten induced coma to get to sleep.

8. If you live in a noisy area, try subtle white noise at night to drown out distracting or startling noises. Sounds of water trickling or babbling brooks fountains can help ground most restless souls. I personally listen to either classical musical or a hypnosis/ meditation audiotrack to talk me down to a relaxed state.

9. If you do wake up like I have a history of doing, around 4:00 AM, try 20 minutes of breathing meditation before sleep. This elevates melatonin levels by 300% naturally within the body's own secretion pathways without supplementation.

10. If your mind races and mulls over the events of the day or what all you need to tomorrow. Do 1 or all of these 3 mind clearing activities. 1) Journal and/or reflect on the day's happenings and find the positive occurrences as well as the things we need to work on. 2) If you are experiencing a creative thoughts flow as your mind settles, by all means write these great ideas down. 3) Write out what you are to do tomorrow.

Bonus. If you don't need to function within society norms such as an 8-5 job but have projects to work on, feel you can run on a couple hours of sleep but multiple siestas per day and want to live as Ben Franklin did, of sorts; may I suggest polyphasic sleep. Google it. Warning: Not suitable or practical for most people.

Band Assisted One Arm Push-Ups

Nice work!
You can do push-ups pretty well.
Need a new challenge? Howabout one arm push-ups?
No worries, we can ease into and get your form right by using a band for assistance until you can do these push-ups on your own.