HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART IV

BE A LEADER:

HOW TO CHALLENGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT

PRINCIPLE 1: If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

"A barber lathers a man before he shaves them."

"A dentist begins his work with Novocain,  the patient still gets a drilling but the Novocain is pain-killing."


PRINCIPLE 2: How to criticize- and not be hated for it.

• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

• Praise (then change "but" to "and") comment on further improvement or correction.

• Lead by example.

PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes first.

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4: No one likes to take orders.

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

"You might consider; what do you think of this; What if."

• Give people the opportunity to do things themselves.

• Let them do it; Let them learn from their mistakes; Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

• Giving orders produces resentment.

PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face.



PRINCIPLE 6: How to spur people onto success.

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow man the warm sunshine of praise." -- Jess Lair

• Like training dogs.

• Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

PRINCIPLE 7: Give a dog a good name.

• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8: Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• Use encouragement.

• Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it- and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

PRINCIPLE 9: Making people glad to do what you want.

• Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.

1. Be sincere; do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

 Monty's Notes (on his notes)
Remember these are just my notes on the book. As with many great thought provoking self-improvement books, The message is different each time you listen to or read it... Well, the words don't change. Rather something inside you and your awareness changes, openness changes, readiness for the next message within the message or the need to see or hear a message that pertains to what is going on or coming up in your life occurs.
Hey, you wanna retain a message to guide you or keep a crucial idea in your head?
Review frequently, notice how you pick up different aspects of the story and review again.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART III

 Just imagine how much more productive your life could be if  not only me and you read and followed these principles, but everyone. Oh wait, I'm not sure if our current society is ready. That would require losing the all powerful yet suffocating human virus. It's called EGO.
Ego causes us to go into isolation.
Really.
Think of the know-it-all, or "too proud to ask" person, or simply the "ego-maniac" they always paint themselves in a corner. They get themselves into a lose-lose situation. And worst of all, by the time they figure out this whole EGO thing they have already isolated themselves from things or people that mean a lot to them.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

*You can't win an argument.

*A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

*If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; But it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.

*Welcome the disagreement.

"When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary."

*Distrust your first instinctive impression when entering a disagreeable situation.

*Control your temper.

*Listen first.

*Build bridges of understanding.

*Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

*Look for areas of agreement.

*Be honest.

*Apologize for your mistakes.

*Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.

*Thank your opponent sincerely for their interest.

*Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.




PRINCIPLE 2: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

*A sure fire way of making enemies—and how to avoid it.

"Men must be taught as if you taught them not and things unknown proposed as things forgot." –Alexander Pope

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself." -- Galileo

"Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so."

-- Lord Chesterfield

"One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing." – Socrates




PRINCIPLE 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

*If you're wrong admit it.




PRINCIPLE 4: Begin in a friendly way.

*A drop of honey.

"A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." – Lincoln

"The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world." – Aesop



PRINCIPLE 5: Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.

*The secret of Socrates

"He who treads softly goes far." – Chinese Proverb




PRINCIPLE 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

*The safety valve in handling complaints.




PRINCIPLE 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

*How to get cooperation.

"The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; Wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight, though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury." – Lao-Tse




PRINCIPLE 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

*A formula that will wonders for you.




PRINCIPLE 9: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

*What everybody wants.




PRINCIPLE 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

*An appeal that everybody likes.




PRINCIPLE 11: Dramatize your ideas.

*The movies do it; TV does it, why don't you do it.




PRINCIPLE 12: Throw down a challenge.

*When nothing else works, try this.

*Give people the chance for self-expression- to excel- to win. The desire for a feeling of importance brings out the best in people.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART II

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PRINCIPLE 1:        Become genuinely interested in other people.

                *Do this and you'll be welcome anywhere


 
PRINCIPLE 2:        Smile.

                *A simple way to make a good first impression.

*People, who smile, tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment." –Prof. James V. McConnell Univ. of Mich.

 

PRINCIPLE 3:    Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.   

        *If you don't do this you are headed for trouble.

 

PRINCIPLE 4:    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

        *An easy way to become a good conversationalist.

 

PRINCIPLE 5:    Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

        *How to interest people.

 

PRINCIPLE 6:    Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

        *How to make people like you instantly.

        *The Golden Rule.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART I

This fun series is my follow up to the BANABU Blogs: I-III , IV-VI , VII-XI

Long before I ordered BANABU, I took my own notes on Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Here are my notes:

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 1:    Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

            "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days"

—Dr. Johnson

PRINCIPLE 2:    Give honest and sincere appreciation.

            "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

–Emerson

PRINCIPLE 3:    Arouse in the other person an eager want.

"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." –Henry Ford

"First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way." –Prof. Overstreet

                                    "Hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise." –Charles Schwab