HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART IV

BE A LEADER:

HOW TO CHALLENGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT

PRINCIPLE 1: If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

"A barber lathers a man before he shaves them."

"A dentist begins his work with Novocain,  the patient still gets a drilling but the Novocain is pain-killing."


PRINCIPLE 2: How to criticize- and not be hated for it.

• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

• Praise (then change "but" to "and") comment on further improvement or correction.

• Lead by example.

PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes first.

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4: No one likes to take orders.

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

"You might consider; what do you think of this; What if."

• Give people the opportunity to do things themselves.

• Let them do it; Let them learn from their mistakes; Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

• Giving orders produces resentment.

PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face.



PRINCIPLE 6: How to spur people onto success.

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow man the warm sunshine of praise." -- Jess Lair

• Like training dogs.

• Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

PRINCIPLE 7: Give a dog a good name.

• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8: Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• Use encouragement.

• Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it- and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

PRINCIPLE 9: Making people glad to do what you want.

• Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest.

1. Be sincere; do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

 Monty's Notes (on his notes)
Remember these are just my notes on the book. As with many great thought provoking self-improvement books, The message is different each time you listen to or read it... Well, the words don't change. Rather something inside you and your awareness changes, openness changes, readiness for the next message within the message or the need to see or hear a message that pertains to what is going on or coming up in your life occurs.
Hey, you wanna retain a message to guide you or keep a crucial idea in your head?
Review frequently, notice how you pick up different aspects of the story and review again.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART III

 Just imagine how much more productive your life could be if  not only me and you read and followed these principles, but everyone. Oh wait, I'm not sure if our current society is ready. That would require losing the all powerful yet suffocating human virus. It's called EGO.
Ego causes us to go into isolation.
Really.
Think of the know-it-all, or "too proud to ask" person, or simply the "ego-maniac" they always paint themselves in a corner. They get themselves into a lose-lose situation. And worst of all, by the time they figure out this whole EGO thing they have already isolated themselves from things or people that mean a lot to them.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

*You can't win an argument.

*A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

*If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; But it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.

*Welcome the disagreement.

"When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary."

*Distrust your first instinctive impression when entering a disagreeable situation.

*Control your temper.

*Listen first.

*Build bridges of understanding.

*Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

*Look for areas of agreement.

*Be honest.

*Apologize for your mistakes.

*Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.

*Thank your opponent sincerely for their interest.

*Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.




PRINCIPLE 2: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

*A sure fire way of making enemies—and how to avoid it.

"Men must be taught as if you taught them not and things unknown proposed as things forgot." –Alexander Pope

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself." -- Galileo

"Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so."

-- Lord Chesterfield

"One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing." – Socrates




PRINCIPLE 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

*If you're wrong admit it.




PRINCIPLE 4: Begin in a friendly way.

*A drop of honey.

"A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." – Lincoln

"The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world." – Aesop



PRINCIPLE 5: Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.

*The secret of Socrates

"He who treads softly goes far." – Chinese Proverb




PRINCIPLE 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

*The safety valve in handling complaints.




PRINCIPLE 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

*How to get cooperation.

"The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; Wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight, though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury." – Lao-Tse




PRINCIPLE 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

*A formula that will wonders for you.




PRINCIPLE 9: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

*What everybody wants.




PRINCIPLE 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

*An appeal that everybody likes.




PRINCIPLE 11: Dramatize your ideas.

*The movies do it; TV does it, why don't you do it.




PRINCIPLE 12: Throw down a challenge.

*When nothing else works, try this.

*Give people the chance for self-expression- to excel- to win. The desire for a feeling of importance brings out the best in people.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART II

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PRINCIPLE 1:        Become genuinely interested in other people.

                *Do this and you'll be welcome anywhere


 
PRINCIPLE 2:        Smile.

                *A simple way to make a good first impression.

*People, who smile, tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment." –Prof. James V. McConnell Univ. of Mich.

 

PRINCIPLE 3:    Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.   

        *If you don't do this you are headed for trouble.

 

PRINCIPLE 4:    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

        *An easy way to become a good conversationalist.

 

PRINCIPLE 5:    Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

        *How to interest people.

 

PRINCIPLE 6:    Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

        *How to make people like you instantly.

        *The Golden Rule.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE: PART I

This fun series is my follow up to the BANABU Blogs: I-III , IV-VI , VII-XI

Long before I ordered BANABU, I took my own notes on Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Here are my notes:

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 1:    Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

            "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days"

—Dr. Johnson

PRINCIPLE 2:    Give honest and sincere appreciation.

            "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

–Emerson

PRINCIPLE 3:    Arouse in the other person an eager want.

"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." –Henry Ford

"First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way." –Prof. Overstreet

                                    "Hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise." –Charles Schwab

Androgynous America

Americans, I fear, are turning into an androgynous society. The signs are everywhere:

• Women who wear the pants in the family
  
• Sexless relationships (the mojo is gone)
  
• Infertile women
  
• Men with boobs
  
• Men with hips
  
• Women with facial hair
  
• Failed relationships due to gender roles not being played out.
  
• Estrogen replacement commercials
  
• Low testosterone commercials
  

And then there's that self talk or bet between friends, "Is that a man or woman over there?"

We don't have two genders of humans roaming the globe anymore. We have several.

We have:

• The estrogenized male, chubby with girl hips and bitch tits
  
• The de-testosteroned male (think Gelding in the horse world)
  
• The she-male or gender bender equivalent
  
• The gay bitch (actual term in the world of homosexuality), girl in a male-male relationship
  
• The builder, manly man in a gay relationship
  
• The metrosexual
  
• The knight in shining armor- the traditional man's man and woman's affection
  
• The tomboy
  
• The dominant lesbian or bull dyke
  
• Mustache Mary- Low estrogen, zero sex drive, PCOS
  
• The dragonlady- aggressive boss/ manager or business owner and runs the house at home.
  
• The submissive female of any relationship
  
• The prom queen, suzy homemaker
  

Is there a right or wrong to all this? No, not at all. But I'll tell you this- if you want to adapt you better understand who you are dealing with. Just like the breakdown of personalities into dogs if you have read Sales Dogs or the gems like Dani Johnson uses, understanding is the beginning root of knowledge. Which direction should I go with this?

Do I delve into how we need to understand the many facets of being humans and how to interact with success?

Or

Do I address the environmental impact on our bodies where hormones are being altered and thus altering the dichotomy of the human species into a conglomerate of beings?

BANABU: Principles VII-XI

In this final installment of the BANABU Principles, let me remind you that Mike Kemski developed this as his abbreviated notes from reading thousands of dollars worth of self-improvement books.
Because life and experiences are all like great poems (open to multiple forms of interpretation), may I encourage you to write your own one page note on a book you read because it may help you better yourself in some form. Here are his final one-liners for the last 5 principles.

 

Principle 7- Only Decisions Change Lives

*You Can Learn All The Newest, Coolest, Latest And Greatest Techniques But Until You Learn And Realize This One Thing, It Is All Just Useless Junk.

 

 

Principle 8- Progress Not Perfection

        *Trying To Achieve Perfection Completely Stops Your Progress.


 

 

Principle 9- Allowing Your Success

        *If You Order A Pizza, Wait For The Pizza Guy To Show Up. Don't Go Looking For Him.


 

 

Principle 10- Use It or Lose It, Continue To Learn & Grow

*Cars Need Gas To Go And We Need "Fuel" To Keep Going Too.

The Journey Is The Reward, Not The Destination.

 

 

Principle 11- Pass the Torch

*Not Only Does It Feel Great To Help Someone Else, Your Reward Is Massively Disproportionate To Your Gift. You Get A Lot More Than You Give When You Learn How To Do It Correctly.

Of the 11 principles listed in BANABU, my personal principal I strive to remember and work on is Principle 8. "Progress, not Perfection!" - Monty Moran

How to Buy Organic

As a body make-over specialist, I not only help clients achieve ownership in a vibrant active body through exercise but also through nutritional consultation. This was meant to be a quick reference guide for my clients.


We proudly shop organic foods. In order to help understand why, here's a short definitions list:


Pesticide- A product designed to kill "pests." Pests can be classified as beetles, worms, flying insects, creepy crawly things, bugs, as well as cuddly furry friends such as mice, rats, rabbits. A poison is sprayed onto the growing foods to either kill or at least deter the pests from eating a farmer's bountiful crop. 


Herbicide- A products designed to kill "weeds." Weeds can classified as any plant growing that was not intended to be. 


GMO- Genetically Modified Organism- This is a tricky definition. Humans are technically genetically modified organisms- a discussion for a later date. And technically many different kinds of produce are genetically modified in the sense of cross-pollination. The big stink comes from plant seed companies and their Frankenstein plants. Here's what happened. Innocently, genetic scientists took the theory of cross-pollination and took it a step further through applied genetic manipulation. Most commonly known from the beginnings was the big, juicy seedless tomatoes and watermelons. Which in and of itself seems pretty harmless to consumers and the environment and sustainability of crops.

The Ugly GMO conflict enters when money becomes the bottom line. A few issues needed to be addressed by seed companies to make a killing in the industry (pun intended).

1. Cross-Pollination is a slow tedious process that can take up to four seasons for a desired outcome in producing certain types of seeds. Time is money. Genetically modify plants to produce seed/ seedless crops.
   
2. Herbicides and Pesticides are messy and culturally unfavorable. Who wants an apple that's been sprayed by poisons a dozen time in a season? So the next idea that takes science and genetics even farther into the "I'm not sure if we should be doing that" realm, was to genetically modify the plants to produce and release its own herbicides and pesticides from within the plant itself. And hey if we keep it a secret, farmers can say they aren't spraying their crops and everybody is happy. Except, the reality of rotating crops has become an issue with GMO's contaminating fields. Result is not cross-pollination, now it's cross contamination! A GMO crop field takes 16 years to restore back to original conditions.
   
3. "We want to monopolize the seed biz" mantra seems to be overtaking companies' egos. You thought pharmaceuticals were bad? Seed companies have coerced our government to make it illegal for farmers to keep the seeds from their crops to use for next season in many states. Forcing farmers to buy from seed companies. Wonder why food is becoming expensive? Monsanto has become the major monopoly player- therefore when we get sick from foods traced back to GMO consumption, you can rest assured Monsanto will be the falling giant involved in the mess.
   
4. Good news. GMO foods are holding less presence among the American soils. Bad news is that it's not necessarily less on our plates or clothes. Countries emerging from third world status, such as India are using GMO technology and very harsh pesticides and herbicides because a) they don't know any better, b) their government and society does not impose limitations, c) MONEY TALKS. Cottonseed oil from India should be avoided at all costs as it is a waste product of cotton production and therefore not consider a true food source. In addition, Indian cottons may cause skin irritations because of the harsh chemicals used as pesticides. Check your clothes labels!
   

 
Crap! This is getting long; I got sidetracked with that damn GMO stuff.


The USDA certified organic label- Ensures that the foods are free of pesticides, herbicides, synthetic chemicals, hormones, antibiotics and genetic modifications.


Conventional farming- involves the use of pesticides, herbicides, synthetic chemicals, hormones, antibiotics and/ or genetic modification.


Principle of Supply and Demand- Says that if we don't demand or create the need for conventional farming and the slow poisoning of you and your kids then conventional farming methods will not be supplied, eventually. A return to more organic farming and foods will revive if we increase the demand.




VEGETABLES TO BUY ORGANIC

Beets- thin skinned root that absorbs heavy metals

Bell peppers (all colors)

Carrots- so good at absorbing heavy metals that they are at times grown as a throw away crop to rid a field of arsenic contamination.

Celery

Collard greens, salad greens, Swiss chard-

Cucumbers

Green beans

Potatoes

Spinach- Often grown in less-than-ideal conditions. Add fungicides to the list.

Winter Squash- Coated with oily wax, making skin inedible.

*Vegetables without a comment are covered in pesticide residues.


VEGETABLES OK TO BUY NON-ORGANIC

Asparagus-

Avocados-

Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage-

Eggplant (all varieties)

Garlic

Onions (all varieties)

Rhubarb- Leaves are already highly toxic to many creatures (including humans).

Sweet corn- Buy Local

Sweet potatoes

Tomatoes- Buy Local

Zucchini- Buy Local
 

NUTS, SEEDS & LEGUMES TO BUY ORGANIC

Almonds

Peanuts (and peanut butter)- Grow underground and absorb toxins from soil.

Pecans- Add miticides to list.


NUTS, SEEDS & LEGUMES OK TO BUY NON-ORGANIC

Cashews

Dried beans- Usually washed, soaked, rinsed and boiled Buy Local

Macadamia nuts

Sesame seed

Thieves Oil from Young Living Essential Oils

There is a significant difference between essential oils that simply smell good and those that are Young Living Therapeutic Grade™ (YLTG).

Independent laboratory testing proves that YLTG essential oils meet and often exceed industry requirements, and as stewards of nature’s plant remedies, Young Living maintains higher internal standards, built upon the magnitude of our own rigorous quality assurance requirements. This standard is known as Young Living

Therapeutic Grade. In order to achieve YLTG classification, each essential oil must achieve the designation naturally, without excess manipulation and refinement, and meet specific criteria in four key areas: Plants, Preparation, Purity, and Potency.

• Plants Young Living products are produced from the right plants, grown in exceptional soil, and harvested at exactly the right time.

• Preparation Honoring a strict commitment to respect and protect the time honored methods of distillation, Young Living makes every effort to preserve “nature’s living energy” in a manner as close to its natural state as possible. Using pure mountain water free of additives, Young Living has a proprietary, stainless steel distillation process that uses low temperature and low pressure to better preserve plant properties, capture the pure essence of the plant, and preserve the quality of the oils.

• Purity Achieved through the use of quality plants and meticulous preparation, and not through ultra-refinement, our finished product is 100% pure. Young Living essential oils are unadulterated, uncut, and free of chemicals, pesticides, and heavy metals.

• Potency To guarantee our products exceed existing world standards and meet our own higher internal standards for potency, we analyze the finished oil’s phytochemical profile to ensure it delivers optimal amounts of every key plant compound.

Additional Information on my EO Connect Page

History of Thieves

Young Living’s Thieves essential oil blend was created based on the historical account of four thieves in France who protected themselves from the Black Plague with cloves, rosemary, and other aromatics while robbing victims of the killer disease. When captured, they were offered a lighter sentence in exchange for their secret recipe. Young Living’s proprietary Thieves oil blend includes clove, cinnamon bark, rosemary, lemon, and Eucalyptus radiata and has been specially blended to offer the same kind of defense. Thieves has been university tested and found to be highly effective against airborne bacteria.  

Utilizing the power and protection of Thieves essential oil blend, Young Living created an extensive line of plant-based household products. From toothpaste and mouthwash to cleaning products, hand soaps, and even throat lozenges, the Thieves product line provides safe, effective alternatives for use in the home.

Thieves Essential Oil Blend

The oil blend that comprises Thieves is known for enhancing complete health and total well-being. Each of the oils selected makes Thieves one of Young Living’s most effective and favorite products. 

CLOVE oil, nature’s richest source of eugenol, is the highest-scoring single ingredient tested for its antioxidant capacity on the ORAC scale. Clove is also known for its immune-enhancing properties.* 

With 68 percent d-limonene, LEMON oil is a powerful antioxidant known for its ability to act as a natural solvent and cleanser. 

High in antioxidants, CINNAMON BARK has a reputation for relieving discomfort during the winter season and supporting the digestive system.* 

As one of the most versatile of the eucalyptus oils, EUCALYPTUS RADIAITA has many health-promoting properties. This powerful essential oil contains eucalyptol as one if its major elements, which in laboratory tests has been reported as being effective against bacteria in topical applications. 

ROSEMARY oil is naturally energizing and may be beneficial for helping restore mental alertness when experiencing fatigue.

Additional Information on my EO Connect Page

DNA Repair- Ningxia Red

Want to know how to get your life back, one ounce at a time?
Don't watch this video if you can't handle that moving forward feeling.



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BANABU: Principles IV-VI

In this second installment of my BANABU notes, I feel obligated to expand on the 4th and 6th Principles. The 5th Principle has its own blog page.
 

Principle 4- The Law of Attraction

        *Powerful Universal Law Explains the Reason Things Come and Go To and From Your Life. 

Principle 5- T.E.A.R. The Process Of Manifestation

 *"Building Blocks" of the Universe. Formula To "Build" Anything You Want In Life From Financial Freedom To Better Health. Thought. Emotion. Action. = Results.

See the Action blog post on this powerful process.
 

Principle 6- Awareness=Possibility

        *When You Expand Your Awareness You Expand Your Possibility.


  Here's a great illustration:


You decide that you want to go on a cruise this next year. Not just any cruise, but a 9 day tour of the Mediterranean Sea. By applying the 5th Principle things begin to happen. Here's the trick though. Doors of opportunity are opening and presenting themselves. 
ARE YOU NOTICING?
Look for the signs. They could show up as the following (and many more versions as well):

• Advertisements for that special kind of cruise

• Someone talks about the cruise they just went on and how they landed a deal

• E-mail spam box suggesting travel related offers

• A documentary show on tv about cruise lines